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4 Reasons You Can Be Patient With Everyone Else But Your Family Gets The Shaft

boundaries motherhood negativethoughts sinfulness vocation Sep 20, 2021

That's right, don't worry, mama, you are NOT the only one who finds they can be incredibly patient, reasonable and kind to all kinds of people in all kinds of circumstances....and watch it all disappear when they close their front door. 

It can be devastating to see the extent of your anger, to hear the bitter disdain in your tone, to feel the rising self-pitying rage within. At least, it was devastating for me. I thought I was better than that. 🤔 

Here are 4 reasons that could be coming up:

1. You're more of a sinner than you thought you were. I'm sorry to put it so bluntly but this really is probably the #1 thing. We mistakenly think we're "good." And we get soooo surprised when we discover ourselves to actually BE sinners. But it could very well be just good old fashioned sin that is causing you to throw up your rage, resentment and selfishness all over your family. At least, I know it is for me. 😏 (And of course, there is wonderfully good news for that - Repent and Rejoice - he has paid for all your sin!)

2. You are stretched way too thin and when you finally get to your safe space, you've got nothing left to give. The way I coach my clients through this is by learning about vocation. Vocation means calling. You are definitely, absolutely, no doubt about it called to do some things. But you are not called to do EVERY thing.  If you can give your best to everything but your most important vocations (child of God, wife, mother), you've got a vocational priority problem. 

3. Boundaries, baby. Perhaps the other people in your life that you are interacting with show you a level of common courtesy and respect that is missing at home. You sense that but don't know what to do about it. You don't know how to get your kids to listen to you or pitch in unless you start hollering at them. It might be time to find a quiet space (and maybe a wise friend) to help you think through the problem spots in your relationships at home so that you can see clearly where you need to calmly and confidently set better boundaries and expectations. 

4. Change your thoughts=change your life. A final reason you could be misbehaving at home is because your thought life is a mess. You might be stuck in super negative thought patterns that are sabotaging your marriage and family life. "No one ever helps me." "My husband doesn't even care how tired I am, he just wants his hot meal." "I never get to put our resources toward the stuff I think is important." These thoughts are taking you nowhere good. Even if they are true, and there might be seeds of truth in them, they are disempowering and self-pitying and only lead to bad behavior. Try these replacement thoughts out instead.

I need more help around here and I'm determined to figure out how to get it.

My husband and I are both tired. We need to talk about how we can care for ourselves during this busy season.

It's ok for me to have say in where the family's resources are going. I'm going to advocate for what I think is best for the family.

What else is contributing to you showing up differently at home than you are out in the world? And what kind of support do you need to change that dynamic?

Take a look inside the course, Your Shame, Crucified. Do YOU know what shame sounds like in your head? You better. ;) 

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