002_Shame Knows Your Name
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Intro Music: Welcome to the Bad Christian Moms podcast.
In this episode, we are going to talk about why it took me weeks to tell anyone that I had actually published that first episode. I didn't even tell my husband about it. And we will also get into what in your life is also being made much more complicated than it needs to be. , for the same reason.
What was going on with me is assuredly also going on with you in some area of your life, or maybe many.
One of my clients suggested that I therefore make it the next episode on the podcast. So here we go.
I can't make your life easy, but I can help convince you that your relationship with God has been made easy already, and that makes everything else easier, too.
This is episode two of the Bad Christian Moms [00:01:00] podcast.
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Hey, little Mamas, I had so much trouble telling people about that first episode Publishing it was no big deal. It's just clicking some buttons once you have finished. But telling people about it was a struggle. I didn't even tell my husband. I told no person about it until weeks later. I finally, in tears, weeping, wrote an email to my email subscribers telling them that I had published a podcast episode.
It was so hard for me to tell people that I had done a thing
It was a struggle to tell people about it because of the voices in my head. Um, which are voices in your head too.
Frankly, these, these little whisperings that we all hear [00:02:00] about some things at sometimes, or many things at many times
these are the whisperings that were going on in my head that was making it so difficult for me to tell you that I had published a podcast. Who do you think you are? No one's gonna wanna listen to that. No one wants to hear from you.
This isn't going anywhere. This is just gonna be another thing that you can't do quite well enough. It's not gonna be good enough. You are not good enough, not enough. That is the, the core message of this voice you are not good enough.
And that voice is the voice of shame that has haunted us since we tried to cover ourselves with fig leaves and hide from the Lord the voice of shame. It can come out in many ways. It comes out in many things. The voice of [00:03:00] shame wants to separate you from God. It wants to separate you from other people.
This isn't good enough to share with other people. You don't want other people to know about this or that struggle that you are having is really embarrassing. You don't, you would embarrass yourself if you told anyone you were struggling with that. Don't tell anyone. Hide. Hide. Hide that from people. Hide from people.
What you're struggling with. Hide from people. What you love to do. Hide from people what you are creating. Hide shame wants to separate you from other people and convince you to hide who you really are
and hide what you are creating.
There are two categories that shame wants to mess with. It's creativity and connection. 'cause we were made for creativity and connection and so when we were creating something, he shame wants to block us from sharing that with other [00:04:00] people. It wants us to think it's not good enough.
It wants us to be embarrassed. It wants us to compare ourselves to other people and think, I'll never be like that. I don't deserve to live. I don't, I don't deserve to have a place or share this with others. I should keep this hidden. And it wants to block us from, um, from sharing who we really are, what we're really struggling with, with other people.
If that person really knew what I was really like or what I was really thinking, they would reject me. That's the fear. So I have to keep these parts of myself hidden because if I share who I really am, people won't like me. People won't love me. I will get rejected it, even if I know it sounds like something you would learn as a child, and I'm sure many of us did have that message reinforced as a child, but even if we didn't
it's still gonna be something we struggle with
and it wants to keep us sep. So shame wants to keep us separated from other [00:05:00] people. It wants to keep us separated from God.
He's disappointed with you. I mean, so even just eve in the garden, part of the lie that she believed was the snake said. The serpent. The serpent said,
God knows that if you eat from this, you will be like him, knowing good from evil. So Eve is thinking, God doesn't want me to eat this because he doesn't want me to be like him. I'm not enough. Apparently, apparently God doesn't want to share this with me because I'm not enough. and that message resonates through today, God surely doesn't want me to be involved in this. I'm not good enough. The voice of shame when it's trying to separate us from God.
Sounds like this. You call yourself a believer, you call yourself a Christian, and you still struggle with that. Who do you think you are? Do you even actually have the [00:06:00] spirit of God in you? If you're still doing that, still acting like that, still throwing. Temper tantrums or, filled with jealousy, or struggling with lust, like a real Christian wouldn't be struggling with that.
So maybe you don't actually know God,
maybe you're not good enough to actually share. In his presence.
So that is the voice of shame, trying to keep us from the presence of God, from rejoicing in God and who he is and in his love. Shame wants to separate us from God. It wants to separate us from others, and it wants to separate us even from our own selves.
There's studies that show that parts of your brain like has a more difficult time communicating with other parts of your brain when you're experiencing shame like it. Cuts off the connection of your brain to other parts of your brain. It's like sole purpose is [00:07:00] disconnection to disconnect.
to get us to hide. Hide who we are, hide what we're making.
And I wanted to hide. I wanted to hide what I had made because I'm afraid it's not gonna be good enough. It's just gonna be another thing that I can't do quite well enough
So I had to do it. I had to do it for two reasons. Number one, I had to practice what I preached. This is like. One, this is my favorite thing to talk about, is my favorite thing to coach my clients through is shame. Because the gospel is so robust and incredible in helping us deal with shame.
There's nothing that can compare. There's a lot of stuff out there on shame that can be very helpful, but nothing compares to the gospel
When it comes to being set free from shame, nothing compares. It's [00:08:00] the best. He is the best. So I had to go ahead and send the email anyways 'cause I had to practice what I preached because this is what I tell my clients to do.
And number two, I wanted freedom. And I wanted freedom from shame. And there's a part of me that is like F you, shame, like you will not hold me back. Lots. I got lots of things that can hold me back, but shame ain't gonna be one of 'em.
There's no reason for shame to be something that holds me back.
And sometimes I will drop a little f-bomb because I need the, the impact to like convince my brain to kind of force my brain into a powerful way of thinking. F you shame. This is not gonna be, you are not gonna win this one.
So number one, I had to practice what I preach. Number two, I wanted freedom. and this is how you do it. This is how you get freedom from shame. [00:09:00] So the first thing you have to do is you have to remember God's love. If, if you are unsure of how loving. God is how sweet the gospel is.
How gentle and lowly your Jesus is. If you are unsure about that, you gotta dig in, go deeper into the love of God. Transformation comes through going deeper in the gospel. The gospel is the transformative thing. That's the thing that can transform, renew your mind, be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
And the best thing to meditate on to renew your mind is the gospel that God so loved the world that he gave his only son,
that Jesus Christ came to save. Sinners of whom I am the chief I
that even though we were dead in our trespasses. Christ died for us.
How rich, [00:10:00] how deep, how wonderful is the love of God? So number one is leaning into the love of God and remembering and clinging to the fact that God. Loves me.
and not in like a distant way, but in a very, very near way in a. Emmanuel, God with us kind of away in a, he has taken up residence in your heart kind of away and is living every day of your life alongside you, with you always to the end of the age, kind of away Step one is leaning into that love, remembering that love that.
If God is for me, who can be against me. If God is for me and God loves me, who cares what other people think about what I have made, who cares what other people think about me and whether or not they think I'm good enough or not, or whether who, who cares even what I think about myself. [00:11:00] God loves me.
Nothing else really matters.
So number one is leaning into that love, and number two is scorning the shame by doing the thing. Anyways, whatever the thing is that you're trying to avoid or that shame is trying to keep you from doing, you've scorn shame by doing it anyways. So scorning shame means that you are acknowledging that it's there.
But you're ignoring what it's telling you to do. You hold it in contempt, you scorn it, you make a face at it, and you just go do the thing. Anyways, so for me, it was telling people I made a podcast. What is it for you right now? What would scorning shame look like for you right now in whatever area of your life you are?[00:12:00]
Trying to hide or you are avoiding sharing with other people. It could be something you're creating that you don't want other people to see or hear or read.
Or it could be a sin that you need to confess to a brother or sister, or it could be connection, a way that you're trying to build a relationship or connect or reconnect with someone,
and shame is keeping you from doing that unnecessarily.
Just because you're squirting shame and, and trying to do it anyways, doesn't mean everything is gonna go really smoothly. People still might not like what you have made
and the relationship might still not work out. but heating the voice of shame and cowing to it
is definitely not gonna make anything better. It's gonna keep you from
what needs to be done to improve the relationship or [00:13:00] to share the work that you have done. With people who would like it.
You know, I even heard it actually a little bit tiny bit last night. Like I'm not a crazy cook, but I'm kind of getting a little bit more into it lately. And I was having some people over and I was feeling a little bit nervous about what if this isn't good enough?
What if I'm not a good enough cook? What if they're not gonna like it? You know, there's a little bit of that. And even just that little bit of wis whispering, murmuring shame can keep you from doing things that are good. A hosting people practicing hospitality and having people over. it's insidious and you really gotta be careful to listen for that and, and make sure you do it anyways.
It's almost sometimes I think, an indicator of like what you should do. It's like, I'm afraid my cooking isn't good enough, so that probably means I should have people over a lot [00:14:00] because it's probably a good thing that shame is trying to keep me from doing.
But so, so many times it is, it's something creative that, that shame is trying to keep you, is trying to get you to hide from other people. Or it could be that you, um, are trying to hide something from the Lord, like he already knows there's nothing he doesn't know about. You already just go talk to him about what you're struggling with.
If you're struggling with jealousy or lust or rage or whatever, he already knows, just go talk to him about, about it in detail.
You can't, he's, he's not a pearl clutcher. He's not, he's not gonna like. There's nothing you can say to him that's gonna make him clutches pearls. He already knows everything about you, so go talk to him about it.
So number one, lean into his love. Number two, scorn shame by doing it anyways. There's nothing you can do that will separate you from the love of God. [00:15:00] Like there's nothing you can do that will separate you from the love of God. That's crazy. That is sturdy ground.
That is a safe place.
Hey, if you wanna dig into this more, I created a course. Like I said, shame is like my favorite thing to talk about and coach people through because the gospel is so rich and deep and it's, it's the key to freedom from shame. I created a whole course about it.
It's called Your Shame Crucified. Don't you just love that title? It just gives me the chills every time I say it. Your shame crucified. And the material in there is so good. I don't want anything to keep you from it.
So you can shoot me an email and I will send you a discount code, to get it for next to nothing. So you can just email me at, bad Christian [email protected].
Oh, I don't have all the, see, this is my second podcast episode. I don't have all the [00:16:00] fancy things. I don't have everything in place. I don't have, I do have that adorable intro though, with the little music. Isn't that cute? I made that so long ago. Finally coming together. So it would mean the world to me if you would share this episode with anyone you think might be struggling with this stuff, And as my YouTuber son would say, like, and subscribe.
thank you for listening. I'll see you in the next,
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. Hey, thanks for listening. I appreciate you, and I have so much more I want to tell you. So click subscribe, and I will see you in the next episode of the Bad Christian Moms podcast.
