The Freak Out PlanJan 19, 2024
Do you have a Freak Out Plan?
We all freak out about something every now and then. Are you taking responsibility for that or are you unfairly expecting someone else to rescue you? Perhaps you are even resenting someone in your life for not being able to rescue you when you are freaking out.
Don't get me wrong, there is great value in asking for help when we are freaking out, but we can also take radical responsibility for ourselves and practice coaching ourselves through our Freak Outs.
I recently listened to a speaker talk through some aspects of this and then shared what I learned on a recent coaching call in The Fellowship.
***Here are my notes that I shared with my clients in The Fellowship.
Freak Out Plan
We've talked before about the importance of knowing your cycle (as in, your menstrual cycle) so you can anticipate and plan for the fluctuation in your needs and capacities.
KNOW THIS CYCLE TOO. Tune in to this and start to notice when you are starting to ZAP and use that word as the trigger to get that Freak Out Plan going. Your Freak Out Plan should be tailored to you. Here is a place to start and tweak from here.
Create a Freak Out Plan while you are calm and cognitive. The goal is to use this Freak Out Plan with as much frequency and intensity as possible. This is how we take radical responsibility for how we are showing up in the world. This is:
- emotional maturity
- taking your thoughts captive
- managing your mind
The FIRST step (which we may have opportunity to take multiple times in a day (it's 9am and I've already had one 😁)) is to NOTICE that we are "ZAPing," Freaking Out, Melting Down, Spirialing, etc. You have to practice catching yourself in the act. 😉 When we are doing this, it's characterized by this:
We Zoom in and catastrophize.
We Zoom in on the ONE thing that's not working. We get in to "all or nothing thinking" which is a mental distortion. Negative emotion comes from negative evaluation (thinking). We're flowing along in the river and hit ONE boulder and stop flowing and fixate on the one thing.
Then we Attach it to Self.
"This always happens to me."
"This is happening because I suck/am not good at xyz/there's something wrong with me."
"This is happening because I'll never figure it all out. I'm not enough/smart enough/disciplined enough/Christian enough."
Then we Pause, Procrastinate, and/or Punish.
We stop doing the little things that build up in to real change (drinking water, moving body, calling friend, journaling, practicing gratitude). We put off doing things we know will help (cleaning the kitchen, eating vegetables, scheduling dr appointment). And sometimes we even punish (finish all the dessert even after no longer enjoying it, unnecessary deprivation, pick a fight with husband, oversleep, overeat, undersleep, undereat, negative self-talk, etc.).
My Freak Out Plan
Taking radical responsibility for my own self.
With frequency and intensity, I notice the ZAP that is keeping me from my desires, routines, goals and tasks AND stealing my joy.
With frequency and intensity, I "summon the best of who I am" (this is intentionally in quotes because it's how the speaker said it but it doesn't quite resonate with me and my worldview, ie: the best of who I am is inextricably linked to and found in the person of Jesus Christ - thank God!). When I am at my best, I am remembering my Lord: what He said, what He promised, who He is, what He has done for me, where I am headed.
How to get from ZAP to Self Regulation:
- See that I need a good ZAP.
- Name the feelings that I am feeling. Research shows that labeling feelings gets you a little bit out of the actual feeling and back in to your executive brain (thinking, cognition, decisions, problem-solving).
- Honor the feelings I am feeling. Don't shame them, dismiss them, they're just feelings and they're trying to tell me something. Do some digging to uncover unhelpful thoughts and beliefs, if time allows. If not, just keep going to the next step.
- Turn down the dial of those feelings by:
- breathing deeply
- going for a walk or run
- move body in some way (dancing, yoga, stretching)
- praying (out loud or in writing, if possible)
- hear and believe God's Word
- trust him, let it go, give it over to him and his will
- let go of outcomes
- Do the next thing. Take another step. Ask for help. Get more clarity. Do a brain dump and make a list. Get in to action.
Take a look inside the course, Your Shame, Crucified. Do YOU know what shame sounds like in your head? You better. ;)